If Santa is really Satan then who are all the pretend Santas who invade shopping centres and streets during the festive season? Well, Satan has been clever in the fact that the character he has created is an old man. This allows him to prey on the old and infirm, the most vulnerable section of society. He can then get these unsuspecting citizens to carry out his nefarious bidding in return for money to pay their heating bills amd the promise that they will get special 'treatment' if they end up living with him for eternity...

One of Satan's many victims as he puts together an army of fake 'Santas'

Another of the many unanswered questions about the enigma of Santa Claus is how he manages to produce so many toys every year and deliver them in one night. However, the answer is obvious. Living in hell has its undoubted advantages as he is able to produce an unlimited supply of fuel for very little cost. He has an eternal supply of fossil fuels, especially coal, and has the manpower to turn it into mass produced goods. This manpower is in the form of elves, or to give them their proper name, those condemned to eternal damnation for having sinned in life. This gives him a pretty large staff which can easily be increased in line with the growth in population.

It has always been accepted that Santa lives in a Grotto. Now, it is no coincidence that the next word in the english dictionary after grotto is 'grotty' which is defined as "unpleasant, dirty, ugly". This is yet another example of Satan being unimaginative in his attempts to distance himself from Santa Claus.